Licking Our Wounds

There is part of me that is very happy football season is basically over. At least it is for us Patriots fans, many of whom didn’t want to get up Monday morning. We had a lot of stress this year. Early in the season it was would they go undefeated? Then OMG who else is going to be injured? And finally having to play Peyton Manning IN Denver. We’ve never done well at altitude. That game nearly did many of us in, but I have to say the wild texts going on during it were pretty memorable.

My friend Ursula lives in Ohio. She grew up in Malden and her husband Mark went to MIT, so even though they’re transplants they’re Pats fans through and through. My friend Jenifer is from Charlotte and has been a Panthers fan since the beginning of the franchise, so this is a big year for her, and Sunday was a big day as well. So I started the texting with a photo and the caption, “We’re ready.”

The immediate replies:

Ursula – “I wish I were at your house! Have one for me. Go Pats!”

Jenifer – “Shot per TD? Just need to know the plan for our game later!”

Me – “Shot for ANYBODY’s TD. Shots for being behind at the half. Shots for being ahead at the half. All shots all the time. There’s a lot of pressure today!”

Jenifer – “I’m there!”

 

At the first sign things were going south I heard from Ursula –

“Take a slug right out of the bottle.”

Me – “Already done.”

Urs – “This game’s gonna take a few years off my life.”

 

At the horrifying miss of the point after TD I heard from Urs again:

“WTF Gostowski!”

Then a minute later, as Brady had been sacked multiple times during the day Ursula reported to me that she said to her husband, “Can someone sack Manning?” Mark said, “Deb will.”

Me – “He’s right. I wish he’d go to Omaha and stay there.”

 

At Brady’s attempt to run the ball and his being clobbered by Denver’s defense:

Urs – “OMG! He’s gonna get himself killed!”

Me – “He does kinda look like a Clydesdale when he runs.”

 

When things were looking worse:

Urs – “It’s bad enuf we have to watch Peyton during the game without these obnoxious Nationwide commercials!”

Me – “I just said to Steve, ‘At least the commercials make him look like an idiot’.”

 

Then Gronk made a TD.

Me – “That’s my boy! And he likes kittens!”

Urs reported that line got a laugh from the family.

When it was all but over our friend Phil texted, “Denver is their graveyard. Those late season losses cost them #1 seed. In Foxboro this ends differently.”

I, for the life of me, don’t understand why they flew to Denver Friday instead of acclimating there early in the week. They don’t call it Mile High Stadium for nothing. It laid Gronk out and they were forcing fluids into him for altitude sickness. What is wrong with these people?

The Panthers’ game was up next.

Me – “Jenifer – my advice for this evening: Take a Valium and go with God. OK, I’m out. Shifting my allegiance to the Panthers.”

Jenifer – “We need ya!!”

Me – “And may Peyton Manning rot in hell.”

Ah. Can’t wait ’til next year.