We’re having a rough few months of saying goodbye to our elders. My dear friends Michelle and Melissa both lost their fathers very recently. My cousin Barbara lost her Aunt Alice, who was like a mother to her. My cousin Annette lost her mother-in-law, and our friend Steve lost his dad pretty unexpectedly. And I wrote about my friend Fay who we lost in August.
It is a lot to live up to and a burdensome responsibility, especially since I know what a bunch of goofballs many of us are.
I’ve written too many sympathy cards and had too many conversations about grief. But the thing that has been on my mind is how our elders are disappearing and it is both startling and worrisome, as our generation now becomes the elders. It is a lot to live up to and a burdensome responsibility, especially since I know what a bunch of goofballs many of us are.
Thankfully we have a few of our beloved elders still with us. My mother-in-law Joan is in her late seventies and going strong running a country inn in Vermont. While I am sad that my therapist, Barbara, is retiring, I know her voice will always be in my head and her cell phone on speed dial in case of a dire emergency, so she is still with me. And the matriarch of our family, my Aunt Dee, will be ninety in November. She was able to celebrate as her final unmarried grandchild, Alex, married the beautiful Meaghan last night in a lovely ceremony in Westport. The pictures below are Dee, our bright light, in her stunning red dress; with the bride and groom; with her grandson Marcus, his wife Debbie and their son, Dee’s great-grandson Xavier; with her grandson Brian and his wife Kimberly; with her daughter Jane and son-in-law Manny; with her “ushers” Anita’s husband Mike and my Steve; and with the cousins – Jane, Anita, and me.
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So to those of you who still have moms and dads and aunts and uncles I implore you to talk to them, ask them questions, appreciate their stories and write them down or record them if you can. There will come a time when you’ll want to and can’t. Both Anita and I both had questions this week we wished we could have asked her mom or my dad, and it stings when you realize it’s impossible.
As I wrote in a sympathy card recently, “As we become the elders and take on that awesome responsibility we do have one thing to be happy about; we had good teachers.”
Blessings to all, and congratulations to Alex and Meaghan!
Just a lovely tribute to a fine and funny lady !
Your Aunt Dee reminds me a bit of Fay. I think it is her hair, smile, and height. Have you ever noticed a resemblance? It is a great idea to record or write down parents’ and grandparents’ stories. Since my mother passed away in February, there have been so many times that I have wished I could ask her questions and so many times that I have tried to remember details of the stories that I heard over and over through the years and thought I would never forget, only to find that I can’t recall certain details. Another good idea is to go through old photographs with your parents and identify all the people in them. I found many photographs taken years ago in Ireland, including one intriguing one in a beautiful frame of a very distinguished looking gentleman. I will never know who he is now. I’m glad you got to spend time with your lovely aunt and dear cousins and friends on such a joyous occasion. Love you always.
Beautiful pictures, congratulations to Alex and Meghan! What a celebration for your Aunt Dee and family and what wonderful memories. Thank you for this beautifully written tribute and reminding me there is a lot to be thankful for and to be happy about. I don’t think I have seen that light, that says, right now it is ok to laugh and have fun, but I know deep down inside it will come. Thank you for reminding me to keep on looking, as it feels as it is yet to soon……….XO
You have been in my heart and on my mind. I continue to send you all the light I can muster. You will eventually think of him with laughter and not tears.
Love you,
D.