Most of you know that my Mother-in-Law Joan Bullock died in March, but due to Covid restrictions and other circumstances we weren’t able to have her memorial service until June. The family and friends gathered at The Chipman Inn for what may be the last time to celebrate Joan’s life and bond over old stories while eating and drinking – Joan, who loved a good party, would have been pleased. Folks came from Florida, Michigan, Pennsylvania, New York, New Jersey and us from Massachusetts, but the prize went to Mark, an English professor who was at Bread Loaf back in the 80’s and knew Joan from her first go around at the Inn. He came from Hawaii. He said he just had to celebrate Joan, the legend.
Her memorial service was held at the Ripton Community Church, three doors from the Inn, and celebrated by Dr. Francois Clemmons, better known as Mr. Rogers’ singing policeman. And it was wonderful. Accompanying Dr. Clemmons was Deborah Felmeth, an accomplished pianist, and together they provided gorgeous music for Joan’s sendoff. Dr. Clemmons focused on continuing Joan’s work; fighting for the poor and for the disenfranchised, working to reduce poverty, working for equal rights. Honoring the fact that Joan’s memorial was held, fittingly, on Juneteenth! If you haven’t seen her obituary it is available here.
Community members spoke – Reverend Kloak, the minister at Ripton Community Church in the 80’s talked of Joan’s kindness to the caroling youth group at Christmas with the last stop being the Inn. Joan provided cocoa and cookies and a roaring fireplace to the frigid carolers. Mrs. Kloak, who said the minister’s wife always gets the last word, added that one year Joan invited them in wearing an enormous pink fluffy bathrobe with pink bunny slippers. Family remembered her with touching tributes. Mark from Hawaii said he now will celebrate part of Juneteenth every year as “Joanteenth”. My eulogy is below:
“Good morning. For those who do not know me I am Deborah Bullock, married to Joan’s oldest son Steve. This is a second marriage for both of us, so I have some experience with Mothers-in-law. And Joan was a great one. And she wasn’t just my mother-in-law, she was my friend. She knew before we did that Steve and I would be married. She and Joan’s late daughter Susan were walking down Newbury Street in Boston and Joan spied a set of beautiful drink coasters. She told Susan it was our engagement gift. Susan looked at her mother and said, ‘Mom, they’re not engaged!’ Joan said, ‘They will be.’
Most all of you have read her obituary, so I don’t need to tell you what a remarkable woman she was, or how she fought for equal rights her entire life. She had no problem getting into what the late John Lewis would call ‘Good Trouble’, and in fact I believe she had lots of assistance from some of you in this room. After Susan died I thought she might want to see a counselor to talk about her grief, but she told me the best way for her to process her grief was by helping others. And she did. Later in life when she could no longer do the work herself she continued to donate to causes that could, and to me her legacy will be her lifelong service to those who needed it most.
Queen Elizabeth the 2nd said, ‘Grief is the price we pay for love.’ And while we will all grieve for Joan in our own ways, I’d like to remember her with what I’ll call The Things I Learned From My Mother-In-Law.
If you’re at a party and they’re serving vegetables and dip it’s not considered double dipping if, after the first bite you turn the vegetable around.
Anything that tastes really good is considered to be ‘The Nectar of the Gods’.
Sneezes come is groups of 7, maybe more. And they’re wicked loud.
That if you were in trouble McGillicuddy was added at the end of your first name. I have heard Stephen McGillicuddy multiple times in the last 20 years.
If the ice cream went missing and nobody owned up to it then obviously ‘Somebody broke into the house, ate the ice cream and left’. This was usually directed at Susan.
That we might be able to solve all the world’s problems over a cup of coffee and a good slice of pie. There is nothing better than pie.
And one last anecdote; when Chris called us to tell us Francois Clemmons would be officiating at today’s service we were all so excited. And when we hung up I thought ‘we need to call and tell Joan!’
So just like I talk to Susan most days I bet I will talk to Joan. She was a good friend to so many; she will most definitely be in our hearts forever. May she rest in peace.”
I’d like to thank cousin Mark Beazley for photographing the service and the weekend. And thank the family and friends both near and far who came to celebrate Joan. She was a great lady who will be missed.
It’s been a tough year for so many with so much loss. I implore all young people to talk to their elders and hear their stories before it’s too late. I still want to pick up the phone to ask my late dad a question, 8 years after his passing. I know there will be things we’ll want to ask Joan. I hope you’ll spread some love around and perform a random act of kindness. Joan would like that.
Hi Deb! I did not know that Steve’s mom passed away in March. I am so sorry for both of you. What a beautiful eulogy! It sounds as though she was an extraordinary woman who will be missed by many. It seems her life was well-lived. I know what you mean about wanting to ask your dad questions and not being able to. I feel the same way about my mother. I think of all the times she would tell me stories about her life in Ireland and how I didn’t listen well enough to really absorb the details of some of them. If only she were here now! She would have my undivided attention. I am sending love and condolences to you and Steve. Let’s talk soon.
Ursula ❤️
Thank you, my dear. Yes, let’s talk soon.
D. xx
I will always remember our weekend at the Mt Washington. I felt we were instant best friends! What a wonderful lady, so sorry for yours; and the worlds loss… RIP Joan, I trust there is some good baking going on in heaven these days.
Oh, Sam, thank you for this. Your generosity when she moved to New Bedford still awes me. Her hallway lined with master cases of KAF product made me smile every time I saw it.
D. xx
A fitting tribute for a beautiful life. You were blessed to have such a wonderful MIL. Thank you for sharing.
Thanks for posting this blog and the link to the obituary. I always held Joan in high esteem for all she accomplished and triumphed over and now reading of so much more I didn’t know! She is a role model for me.
You have made me feel that I was back in Ripton, sitting there amongst you, suffused with love and respect for a remarkable and quietly courageous woman. What an exemplar Joan was, and is.
XOXO Octavia
Deborah, Thank You with Love for this totally deserved tribute to Sister Joan. I will always hold all the special Thanksgiving trips to Ripton early in my marriage so close in my heart. Joan was and always will be ” that warm fire” in the family. Somewhere SHE is still busy, helping someone, cooking, sharing stories, laughing and loving. And You are like the “sister” she never had. Both of you were always a Team effort in my eyes. She will be missed…. but most of all She will be Remembered !!! Thank You, Deb, John and I both Appreciate your generous spirit. With Our Love, Linda & John Until we gather again, Be safe, stay well, keep laughing!!
Deb,
It was wonderful to meet so many of Joan’s family who came to celebrate her life. As you know, Joan will always have a special place in my heart! Joanteenth forever!!
Mark
What a wonderful tribute Deb. Thank you for sharing. Joan was a beautiful woman who had a loving daughter in law – both of you were very lucky to have each other. My continued condolences to you and Steve. Much love,
Jenifer